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Be Your Own Everyday Valentine First

Every February 14, we’re obligated and encouraged to offer shows of affection to our sweethearts, if we have one, by giving chocolate, flowers, cards, jewelry, etc.
What’s wrong with this picture?
You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
Or, as I wrote in my article on Heal Your Life, “Before you shower someone else with love and affection, you need to bestow love and affection on yourself. Only then can you be a wonderful sweetheart.”
Today, I’d like to urge you to be super-sweet to both your special someone and yourself all year long.
In other words, as I put it on “Be an Everyday Valentine” on Heal Your Life, “You want to be a valentine all 365 days of the year.”
Now, see my article to learn four ways to start to Be an Everyday Valentine.
Special thanks to Hay House for featuring my article on the Heal Your Life site and Facebook page.

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Many Thanks & Wows to Anne Lamott

I’m now recovering from being very sick (cold, flu, utter exhaustion, and grief over my mother’s recent death), but I wanted to get out of bed to extend many thanks and wows to the talented, prolific, motivating writer Anne Lamott, author of the fabulous book, Help, Thanks, Wow.
Annie — whom I had the pleasure of hearing speak while she was launching her remarkable book, Help, Thanks, Wow — kindly mentioned me and my newest book, Beyond Sugar Shock, on both her popular Facebook page and in her reprinted article on Style, Substance, Soul.
While I’m very grateful for the mention of Beyond Sugar Shock and my sugar freedom coaching, there’s a far bigger reason that I want to extend my deep, heartfelt gratitude to Annie.
Although the inspiring Anne Lamott asked me for help with her sugar challenges (after we met at her book signing for Help, Thanks, Wow) and while it’s been an honor and privilege to offer her text coaching, what Annie didn’t know was that while I was giving her support, she was giving me a tremendous amount of support, too.
Indeed, without realizing it, the remarkable Anne Lamott was probably helping me just as much, if not a lot more, than I was helping her.
A little background is in order. I met Annie while I was (and have been) going through a very rough time. In fact, I barely dragged myself to Annie’s book signing while nursing a broken heart. Recently, my mother passed away, and I’ve been reeling in absolutely excruciating grief, profound anguish, and utter agony after what I now call My Bittersweet Last Year with Mom, as well as some recent, very painful discoveries.
At the same time, I’d been feeling lost and in limbo. I was (and still am) trying to decide where to live, because soon after discovering that Mom was terminally ill, I gave up my apartment in New York City (which I’d enjoyed for a decade) and moved across country to California to be there for my mother in her dying days. I’m now in a temporary, cramped, but wonderfully peaceful place. Read about my truly beautiful, but utterly gut-wrenching time on my new Bittersweet Year blog.
Anne LamottThe delicious irony about my having been there for Annie Lamott since late December (right before Christmas) is that in between or after texting or emailing tips, ideas, encouragement and insights and the joy of eating healthily and staying away from sugary non-treats, I’d often turn to three of her many marvelous books — Help, Thanks, Wow; Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith; and Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life — as well as her fabulous Facebook page, to get tips, ideas, encouragement, and insights.
It seemed like every time that I visited Annie’s Facebook page or picked up Help, Thanks, Wow; Traveling Mercies or Bird by Bird, I’d find more inspiring, thought-provoking, butt-kicking words of wisdom.
Indeed, whenever I veered off track, Anne Lamott — and also Louise Hay (more about that later) — kindly, generously, magnanimously reached out to me and gave me solace and encouragement though her words and concepts, which helped to propel my thoughts to a better plane such as moving away from sorrow and grief to gratitude or optimism.
For instance, Anne inspired me by writing:
“There’s freedom in hitting bottom. . . relief in admitting you’ve reached the place of great unknowing. This is where restoration can begin,…”
Or, in Help, Thanks, Wow, Anne Lamott urged me to find freedom and value in my funk with these words:
“I have seen many people survive unsurvivable losses, and seen them experience happiness again. How is that possible?
“. . . In most cases, their pain evolved slowly into help for others. The great Bengali poet Rabindranath Tagore wrote, “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. / I awoke and saw that life was service. / I acted and behold, service was joy.”
Ah yes, how true. Thanks, Annie, for reminding me that I’m here to serve people. And while I heal, I can and shall serve.
Meanwhile, I’ve been getting awesome ideas from her. For instance, in Help, Thanks, Wow, Annie offers the suggestion to store your woes in a God box. (I love that idea, and I’m now experimenting with this.)
It’s truly remarkable how every time I’ve turned to Help, Thanks, Wow; Traveling Mercies; or Bird by Bird, I’ve found something that really speaks to me. (One of my favorite things to do with inspiring books is to shut my eyes, pick a page and then find a quote or comment that helps me.)
What I also find fascinating is that although Anne Lamott and I are different religions — I’m Jewish and she’s a Christian, who welcomes Jesus into her life — she still inspires me mightily.
Anyhow, after my nap today — remember, I’m very sick, flu-ish, and utterly exhausted — I’ll turn again to Help, Thanks, Wow, or what she’s now playfully calling Hips, Thighs, Waist.
Meanwhile, Anne Lamott has helped to wake me up. It’s as if she’s been nudging me to focus and refocus.
She helped me to realize that I really need to say, “Help,” more often, especially in my time of profound grief. But that’s not all. I also need to gratefully and repeatedly say, “Thanks.” And then later, I should continue to marvel, “Wow.”
Anne Lamott, thank you for all you’ve done for me while I’ve hoped to be there for you, too. You’ve motivated me to say “Help, Thanks, Wow,” more often and more meaningfully.
Now, dear readers of any religion, whatever you’re going through at present, I strongly urge you to get, read, and re-read Anne Lamott’s latest book, the spectacular Help, Thanks, Wow.
My prediction is that you, too, will begin to learn the value of saying, “Help, Thanks, Wow.”

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Off to Take Back my Power on Transformational Retreat

I’ll be off shortly on a transformational retreat to Take Back my Power after my grueling Bittersweet Last Year with Mom.
This is not a vacation. I’m not ready to take one yet. I’m still in so much pain.
Rather, this is a chance to dig deep, recover from traumatic incidents, Do Drastic Self-Preservation (much more intense than just self-care), and Get Back My Mojo, which, as I shared here, has been missing quite a bit lately.
Now, you can get a more well-rounded perspective about My Bittersweet Last Year with Mom.
First, learn about the sweetness. Then find out about the bitterness, which I’m now transforming into valuable lessons.
Just remember, that as I now seek to help people dealing with difficult, dying loved ones, I’m missing my mom so much! I really loved her!
Anyhow, please tell me what you think of my new Bittersweet Year Blog.
If you’re among the first 10 people to post comments on this Bittersweet Year Blog, you will win a 20-minute complimentary Strategy Session with me.
So post your comment now.
“See you” soon.

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Letter to Anne Lamott: Tempted by Sweets or Quickie Carbs? Read Me First! 10 Ways to Continue to Savor Sugar Freedom!

Letter to Annie Lamott
Tempted by Sweets or Quickie Carbs? Read Me First! 10 Ways to Continue to Savor Sugar Freedom!
For the past six weeks, I’ve had the pleasure of doing text-coaching with talented writer Anne Lamott, who I had the pleasure of meeting after the fabulous talk she gave at her church to launch her new, fabulous book, Help, Thanks, Wow. Anyhow, as a Sugar Freedom Coach, I don’t want to leave Annie in the lurch with no encouragement while I’m away for 10 days on a transformational retreat. So I came up with a way to support Annie while I’m gone. I wrote her this letter, which she now has given me permission to share with you.
Dear Annie,
I really want to be there for you while I’m off healing and taking back my power. (As you know, I desperately need to go on this transformational retreat until Feb. 10 to recover from My Bittersweet Last Year with Mom, which, as I shared with you and on my Sugar Shock Blog (www.SugarShockBlog.com) and my new Bittersweet Blog, www.BittersweetYear.com), was utterly grueling, draining and heartbreaking.)
To support and stand by you so you can continue to Savor Sugar Freedom, I’ve decided to create a 10 Ways to Continue to Savor Sugar Freedom Checklist for you. I invite you to bring this along with you wherever you go so you can whip it out if temptation strikes.
Whenever health-harming, tempting sugary non-foods—what I call Sweet Baddies (certainly not “goodies” or “treats”)—seem to tauntingly plead, “Eat me, eat me,” I urge you take the following steps first.
1) Follow Your Own Smart Advice. Holler Help!
Put a Sugar Freedom spin on the wisdom you eloquently impart in your book, Help, Thanks, Wow. When you can’t quit obsessing about a gorgeous cupcake, a chocolate-chip cookie or whatever sugary non-food or Sweet Baddie you want right away, lean on God, divine intelligence, or, as you playfully put it, “Howard.”
Just imagine: You’re so close to shoving a Sweet Baddie in your mouth. Your favorite dangerous, culprit-carb non-foods—which, for you and many others, are sure-fire gateways to glutting, depression and Sugar Slavery—keep taunting and tormenting you. They seem to be whispering, “It’s time to stop feeling deprived. Go ahead, put one in your mouth. Now.”
Annie, when temptation like this strikes, it’s time to prove those Sweet Baddies wrong! Let Providence whisk you to Savory Sugar Freedom instead.
You might want to pray like this. “Dear God, I could use a hand. Please help me. I feel out of control when it comes to [name of Sweet Baddie you want]. I know that I shouldn’t have them, but I want them anyhow. Please, Divine Wisdom, show me exactly what steps to take so I have the strength to turn away from [type of Sugary Temptation]. And, God, please help me to remember that this [cake, cookie, etc.] is so very bad for me and can lead to overeating, self-loathing and disease.”
2) Eating Sugar Makes You Unspiritual.
Over-indulging in sweets, as you’ve been discovering, makes you so much less than you can and want to be. Specifically, sugary non-foods can take you down a path to non-spirituality. They can rob you of your sublime, divine-loving essence. People who haven’t gone sugar-free (or close to it) don’t understand this subtle connection, but you “get it.” So please ask yourself before you cave in to sweets or culprit carbs, “Is a piece or bag of [name of Temptation] worth straying off the spiritual path?”
3) Remember How Clear-Headed & Better You Are When You Limit the Sugar.
As you know, eating lots of sugary non-foods can muddy up your thinking, mess with your moods and strip you of your power. When a sugary non-food is bugging you, instead delight in how wonderful you feel when you stick to such wholesome foods as lentils, organic veggies, organic meats, and healthy fats. Now ask yourself, “Is this [Name of Sugary Temptation] really worth losing my clarity, energy, and peace of mind? Wouldn’t I rather be my best self?”
4) Revel in Your Former Success & Then Challenge Yourself to Recreate it.
Think of the accomplishment of which you’re the most proud. Is it that you’ve stayed away from alcohol for so long and enjoyed sweet sobriety? Perhaps you’re delighted that you made your last book deadline? Now, stretch yourself. Realize that, “Hey, if I did [quit alcohol or whatever else you picked], then I can surely stay away from sugar, even if it is addictive.” Annie, you can even have fun and quip, “I continue to choose Savor Sugar Freedom. It’s a piece of cake!” (Pardon the pun!)
5) Do Sugar Procrastination. (Delay).
As we’ve discussed, one very effective sugar-avoidance approach is to procrastinate on purpose. By that, I mean delay eating your temptation of the moment. To refresh your memory about this simple tactic, just read this blog post I wrote about the power of delaying. http://www.sugarshockblog.com/2011/05/delay-away-your-sugar-cravings-.html
6) Write Away Your Cravings and Have Fun With It.
One of the most powerful ways to kick your pesky cravings is to get in touch with the feelings behind them. Journaling is highly effective, research shows. So take 10 minutes before you put anything sugary in your mouth and write about it. And be playful, too. You, of all people, could write the most amusing, entertaining, enlightening Sugar Danger poems or musings. When I return, I’ll look forward to reading what you write. (Even if you weren’t a writer, I’d recommend this. Jotting down your thoughts and feelings is that powerful. Anyone—writer or not—can do it.) Also, read this article I wrote about cravings. http://www.healyourlife.com/author-connie-bennett/2013/01/wisdom/inspiration/craving-sugar-and-carbs
7) Power up with PFF.
As you know, one sure-fire way to become vulnerable to sweets is to skip eating something healthy when you get up in the morning. Temptation also has a way of getting to you when you don’t re-fuel your body at least three times a day with ample protein, fiber, and fat. So make sure to fill up regularly on those quality foods.
8) Ask Yourself the 5 W’s & 1 H.
Of course, knowledge is power. So whenever you’re tempted, ask yourself the questions every journalist needs to answer when writing a story. You want to discover the Who, What, When, Where, Why and How. In doing your sugar discovery or Sugary Soul Searching, ask yourself, “Who do I become when I indulge? What is it I really want? When do my sugar cravings get most powerful? Where could I go instead (someplace more nurturing and fulfilling)? Why, oh why, do I want those sugary non-foods? And how would eating those Sweet Baddies make me feel? (Read more about this process in pages 65 to 66 of my book, Beyond Sugar Shock, which I gave you.)
9) Scare Yourself with the Sour News. Then, Create Your Sugar-is-My-Foe List.
Whenever you really, really, really want something sugary, I urge you to get the sour news first. Just take out Beyond Sugar Shock, and read Chapter 3, which tells you about “The Big Preventable Killers: Your Sweet Tooth Can Kill You.” Then write down 5 Reasons Why Sugar is My Foe. In other words, what are the worst things that can happen to you when you eat the sugary stuff. Then rewrite your reasons to avoid Sweet Baddies on a 3-by-5 index card and carry it with you wherever you go so you’ll remember why it’s important to overcome those cravings.
10) Text Me & Then Text Yourself, Too.
Finally, since I can’t read your texts for the next 10 days, text me anyhow when you’re having a challenging time. Just pretend that I’m there on the other end of the phone and that I’ll be replying shortly. Then, until I return on Feb. 10 or 11, reply to yourself with what you think I’d say. Now, if you’re unclear as to how I’d text-coach you, pull out your copy of Beyond Sugar Shock, shut your eyes and open a page. That’s what I’d say to you. In other words, your inner wisdom will guide you to the exact page with the exact information you need. (By the way, I do this technique a lot with your book, Help, Thanks, Wow and with books by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Louise Hay, and Dr. Ken Druck. Just trust that you’ll be guided to get the advice or guidance you need. It has worked every time for me.)
11) Share your challenges on my Facebook page.
If or when something sweet tempts you, just rely on people who understand how dangerous it is to go down that sugary path. Post something on Facebook—on both my (www.Facebook.com/SmartHabitsFans) and your (www.Facebook.com/AnneLamott) fan pages. I’ll bet you that someone who “gets it” will write to you with just the wisdom you’re seeking. Make sure to dash me an email each time (marked high importance) so that I can read these inspirational words upon my return and thank the person.
Annie, I know that you can continue to Savor Sugar Freedom.
Remember, you have the power to say no. Remind yourself that eating sugar and other quickie carbs is a choice. It’s yours to make—or not make. What you put in your mouth helps create your future and the way you handle it. Why not choose the path of joy, inner peace, and health?
I’ll be with you in spirit and rooting for you to continue to Savor Sugar Freedom. Talk to you soon.
Warmly,
Connie
Connie Bennett
P.S. Since you like to share your musings and inspirational thoughts on Facebook, feel free to post this entire letter from me to you. It would be my honor to help your sugar-addicted fans. And feel free to take tidbits and tweet them, too.
P.P.S. Thanks again for your very kind words and letting me share them here.
“I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired beyond my sugar. With the help of Beyond Sugar Shock and Connie’s smart, caring text-coaching, I am beginning my 6th week of being off sugar. To me, that is a miracle. I feel so much happier and healthier, more energetic and free.” …I most like to know you are on the other end of the phone and get my texts, help me through temptations, remind me what works and why I am trying a new way of life.” –Anne Lamott

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