Now that I’m rejuvenated and excited after a fabulous vacation, I’m currently on a whirlwind media blitz.
As Halloween (which I dub “Sugar Overload Day”) fast approaches, I’m doing a whole bunch of radio and TV interviews, as well as print interviews, etc.
For instance, Monday, I began my day by giving an interview to Rick Shepard, a gracious radio host at WKYE-FM and WNTJ-AM in Johnstown, Pennsylvania.
Soon afterwards, I was called for last-minute interview with the Howard Stern Show. Only I didn’t know it was the Howard Stern Show! The interviewer didn’t tell me!
All he mentioned was this it was for “Jack and Rod” on Sirius Radio. So I happily obliged and got ready for another interview with a polite, curious host. Was I in for a surprise!
Perhaps I would have easily put the clues together if I’d had more sleep.
Of course, I well know that Howard Stern had jumped ship to Sirius Satellite Radio in January 2006. In fact, it’s common knowledge that Howard felt commercial radio was no longer a safe haven for shock jocks of his ilk.
Actually, I confess, while living in L.A. six years ago, I used to be a big fan of the show. I would love listening to Howard, Robin Quivers and the rest of the gang while being trapped in my car for long stretches.
But, you see, on Monday, I was operating on a negligible amount of sleep. (I know – I set a bad example!)
(In case you’re wondering — I was functioning on about 2 hours of sleep, because I’d taken the red eye back from San Diego to New York City. Then the 2 nights before that, I’d also burned the midnight oil while hanging out with new friends on this fabulous Bob Proctor cruise to Mexico.)
So all I know is that I’m being interviewed about sugar and its dangers to kids and that I’m supposed to mention Halloween and how all that candy endangers our poor kids.
But almost right away, I sense that something wild and off kilter is happening. First off, Jack and Rod, the two supposed hosts to interview me, disappear, and the interviewer is allegedly an 8-year-old girl, “Kelly,” who is in major sugar shock.
Well, “Kelly” wasn’t a girl. No way! It was quite evident, from the tone of the voice, that “Kelly” was a man pretending to be a girl with serious sugar issues. So “she” was one of the hosts but they didn’t want to talk in their normal voices.
“Kelly” just was not this cool, in-need-of-help, sugar-shocked kid. Instead, “she” was mean, nasty, angry, cranky, belligerent, feisty, rude and obnoxious.
And she had one foul mouth. Did I tell you that “Kelly” had a really, really foul mouth? Put it this way, I would never ever ever use the words that “she” used! Not in conversation. Not in the privacy of my home. Not on the radio!
For several minutes, in my slap-happy, sleep-deprived state, I responded with lots of laughter and giggles, a huge dose of embarrassment and as many quick-witted retorts that I could conjure up on 2 hours of sleep.
When “she” became really vicious and rude, I said, “You know, folks, when your kids eat a lot of sugar, they behave much like Kelly. Kids on sugar turn angry, confused, moody, argumentative and downright nasty,” I explained.
“Children on sweets will even hurl objects across the room.” (Well, I hope I said something like this.)
Whenever I could, I tried to bring the subject back to how sugar really can mess up your poor, unsuspecting soda-swigging, candy-gorging kids.
But frankly, I was quite ruffled and rattled by the turn of events. I struggled mightily to create clever comebacks. But I usually am well rested when quips easily arrive.
Darn, wish I’d had more sleep the night before!
As I struggled to be clever, I fumbled mightily. For instance, I don’t even know if I had the presence of mind to mention my website so people would know how to get help. Heck, I’m not even sure that I remembered to say the title of my book, SUGAR SHOCK!
Meanwhile, as the interview continued, I just listened, aghast, as “Kelly” continued to say the most foul things.
Then “Kelly” turned on me. “She” became really, really raunchy, using words that I wouldn’t dare to use here!!! She called me names. She described things I won’t discuss here.
And she “began” to insult me right and left. So I threatened to hang up. But then I wimped out — “she” somehow convinced me to stay on. (Folks, I wasn’t on sugar, but I wasn’t thinking the most clearly, given my sleep-deprived state.)
Then the insults became really gross and got fouler by the minute, at which point, I acted.
So ultimately, I flat out hung up in the middle of the interview after about 10 to 15 minutes while calmly saying something like, “I didn’t agree to a pornographic interview.”
A few minutes later, the producer calls me back up and ‘fesses up.
He tells me that I’d just been recorded for the Howard Stern Show!!!!
Talk about being taken off guard!
Although I’d originally agreed to have my interview used and to have my comments edited if they didn’t make a fool out of me, I believe that I still had the right to back off and ask for my interview to be yanked. But I thought, “What the heck. Let them use my awkward remarks!”
Don’t they say that some coverage is better than none?
Come to think of it: I should have seen the signs warning me that this was no ordinary radio show. Seriously, what radio personnel ever ask you if it’s OK to use your remarks and to edit them? That should have tipped me off that something off the wall was about to occur.
So, stay tuned. Soon you’ll be able to hear me make a complete fool of myself on the Howard Stern Show!
Now, evidently, before the gag airs, Howard Stern needs to give his go-ahead to use it, but, folks, I made such a complete fool of myself that I just can’t imagine why they would kill it.
As I well remember from regularly listening to the show during my L.A. days, Howard and Robin and the rest of the gang absolutely love to poke fun of people who do really stupid things. That’s yours truly!
I sure wish I’d had Sirius so I’d have been more prepared for this wild situation!
On the other hand, my complete ignorance may make the show even funnier.
Anyhow, I’m still cracking up over the fact that I hung up on a show that has only 7 ½ million listeners!!!!
That’s right — more than 7 million listeners.
Stay tuned here for when you can hear me make a fool of myself on the Howard Stern Show!
Seriously, I’ll be inviting you to laugh at me! Laugh with me! My fumbles are all for your enjoyment! (‘Course, I admit, that I do hope part of my message will be heard.)
All said and done, I really do feel quite silly, but, hey, laughter at one’s foibles and faux pas makes life quite gleeful and wonderful.
“Anyhow, I’m still cracking up over the fact that I hung up on a show that has only 7 ½ million listeners!!!!”
Get a grip, sweetie (see what I did there?).
Sirius barely has 7 1/2 million subscribers, and trust me – they don’t all listen to Howard.
You know why people don’t listen? Because this garbage is what they think is entertainment over there. Howard’s flunkies get some unsuspecting person on the phone and cuss at them. Wow, that’s entertainment, folks!!!! (I notice you’re a fan of the exclamation point).
And even worse, Howard isn’t even involved with these “wacky” phone calls. $100 million a year for his interns to harass The Sugar Shock lady, and they don’t even have the balls to do it live.
Good for you — I just heard your interview, and I’m really glad you were able to keep a sense of humor about things. Good luck with your book.
Haha, just heard the call. The little kid was none other than High Pitch Eric. “I want fudge brownies NOW!!”
Nice job and I am now checking out your site!!
I just heard the interview this morning – you did fine! They are pros at this sort of thing, and you were a trooper. At least you got your website out there….
Hey Connie, I just heard the bit this morning and you didn’t make a fool of yourself. There have been much worse, trust me. The first thing that should have tipped you off, though, was the name of the show: the Jack and Rod show. lol You really should get Sirius, it’s the best.
You were great – very funny! Good job being a great sport. Those calls can be stupid, but are so much funnier when the subject has a sense of humor.
Thanks for being a great sport. It’s cool to see that people can take a joke well!
They started playing the Jack and Rod interview today. I haven’t heard it yet, though.
I just heard the “Jack & Rod” show. You’re definitely a good sport to put up with Sal & Richard and High Pitch Eric.
It was a funny gag, but at least you got your website plug in, that’s the most important!
On a serious note, your book is very important and I’ll be checking it out. Great job.
I’m a regular listener of Howard Stern. I want you to know that you performed much better than the other authors interviewed for the “Jack & Rod” show. If I hadn’t heard the “interview”, I wouldn’t have visited your website.
Just heard you. You handled yourself quite well and yes, it was funny. And it brought me to your site, so you know what they say about publicity!
Thanks for having a sense of humor about the “Jack & Rod show”. I would have never found your website had it not been for Howard. You should try the three day free trial on Sirius.com. Believe me, his show is 100 times better on Sirius than regular radio.
You were on Howard today. You did not sound that bad. Kelly was not “Jack” or “Rod” but a Stern regular named High Pitch Eric.
As a Howard Stern listener and subscriber to Sirius, I commend you on playing along and not being stuck up about a little fun.
Also, I would never of come to this page without you being on the show.
Good luck with your book.
It happens to the best of us! 🙂
great interview. good luck with the book.
As a Howard fan, I just wanted to thank you for being a good sport. It gave me a good laugh (not you, but more so “Kelly”), and as they say … there’s no such thing as bad publicity 🙂 Take care.
I heard your interview with Sal, Richard and High-Pitch Eric. And guess what, it led me to visit your site, and I’m actually thinking about making some changes in my diet.
I wouldn’t have heard of your site or book had it not been for the Howard Stern show. It was a hilarious clip. I’m also totally anti-sugar, so reading what you have to say is informing. Thanks!
Hey, just heard you again on the Stern show. Looks like Howard Stern listeners gave you a little respect. You should be proud of yourself, that’s not a easy thing to do…
Anyway, Kelly was a wackpacker named ‘High-Pitch’ Eric, you should really help him. He’s one of the fattest people in the world.
Connie, I just heard you’re Stern interview. Tremendous! You did leave your website (which is why I’m here) and I just wanted to tell you that I think you did a great job with High-Pitch Eric. I only wish you would have stayed on the line a little longer…It was starting to get really good!
I too found your web site from Google using JACK AND ROD searches. It was neat to read the blog about the reaction. Jack and Rod are actually the part of Stern’s show I don’t like because it seems extra mean to attack people that way… so I was happy to read your background and behind the scenes, and happy to see the publicity may have been worth it.
Next you’ll have to go on The Colbert Report and have him make fun of you. You’ll be rich in no time.