Rattled, Dismayed, but Proud — My Self-Awareness Breeds Sugar-Free Success

Today’s post doesn’t feature any SUGAR SHOCKING news. Well, not exactly. This morning’s remarks come straight from my heart, my being, my bared soul. They’re a reflection of what I’m going through.

You see, I’m really reluctant to show weakness here.

Frankly, I like to trumpet myself — or at least impress you — as "Connie, the Savvy Sugar Sleuth." Gone are my days as "Connie, the Sugar Shrew!" who sends boyfriends packing because of her bitchiness. The fuzzy-headed, cry-babyish, angry-for-no-reason, memory-challenged, headache-ridden, heart palpitations-plagued Connie isn’t around anymore.

That sugar-obsessed Connie chick took off back in 1998 (after I quit sweets and what I call "culprit carbs"). The late ’90s Connie has been replaced by an improved version — a calmer, sweeter, more coherent lady.

But this week, I’ve been rattled, heavily tested, and ultimately amused — OK, more like made more aware.

I’m a private person so I won’t give you details, but suffice it to say that I’ve been going through a major-league, very nasty family crisis — that’s why I haven’t written many posts this past week.

For nearly a week, I’ve been suffering a kind of situation that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The type of scenario that about 99.99999 % of people just never ever go through. (And no, I’m not getting divorced — in fact, if you read my About Connie section, you’ll learn that I’m single — and in fact, available.)

Frankly, because of the deep emotional, gut-wrenching pain that’s confronting me, crying doesn’t seem to help much. Escaping in a movie isn’t all that satisfying either. Exercise has even lost much of its appeal — though I did speed walk about 3 miles yesterday. I even found it hard to work so instead I’ve been cleaning my office — something that’s badly needed, given that I’ve been immersed in my book for so long.

Uh-oh, I’m committing a HUGE journalistic faux pas here. I’m downright burying the lead, something they taught us in journalism school (when I was getting my master’s) to avoid with religious conviction.

OK, here’s the lead: I’ve been tempted by sugary foods several times this week. That’s right: Yours truly has taken more than a passing glance at biscotti. This hypocritical Savvy Sugar Sleuth has thought about straying.

Hey, when out to dinner with my buddy earlier this week, I even thought about what chocolate-laden item I would order "if" I opted for dessert. It was downright absurd: I flat out said to him, "Well, if I were going to get a dessert, I would have the chocolate cake." (What kind of role model am I to do that?)

Last night came a fruity kind of "fall." I took a right-before-closing trip to the grocery store to buy organic apples, because I longed for something sweet. Then I ate not one, but two apples, smeared with some sugar-free peanut butter, and because I was concerned about all the sugar (albeit natural), I had some goat cheese to buffer the reaction.

Despite temptation rearing its ugly head, I did NOT slip. I did NOT have processed sugary foods. But I found the idea appealing.

And, as my girlfriend mentioned last night over dinner, before we went to the theater, I sounded like an alcoholic. Because I told her about my sugar desire. That’s right: When times get really tough, sugar gets really tempting.

I suppose it would be appropriate to say that I’m proud of myself. I daresay many other people would have succumbed to a sugar binge and fallen "off the wagon," so to speak. The worst I did was hit the apples. (OK, I did gain a couple of pounds today, but my weight is totally back down to normal these days, even though earlier this year, it climbed a bit from sitting on my butt so much working on my book.)

Anyhow, I’m a really STRONG person now. Automatically, I used many of the tips and tactics that have enabled me to be successful for almost nine years. (Techniques I teach you about in my book SUGAR SHOCK!, which is coming out Dec. 26, 2006.)

I’m struck by a profound sense of irony here. My role is to help others find their Sugar Truth. My mission is to help millions — yeah, that’s my goal — to conquer temptation. My burning passion is to awaken sufferers to the existence of their sugar-reliant reality.

I’m here to help you feel better, live in a more full way, and achieve a level of healthiness that you may never have felt before.

Frankly, I’m at a loss here for a conclusion. I know I’ve rambled a bit. (Not sure how coherent I’ve been, because I was up til 3 a.m., upset about all this.)

So, I better come to a close, as self-knowledge that my frail emotional state is making cookies, candies, chocolate, etc. much more appealing than normal.

OK, this is the reality. Until I get over my horror over what I’m facing, I will be tempted. Those darn M&M’s will call out to me. Red licorice may even beckon to me. And chocolate anything will entice me.

But I know what I will do.

• I’ll tackle projects and do errands that I’ve been putting off for month.
• I’ll keep busy, busy, busy to keep me from falling down.
• I’ll do some more Sugary Soul Searching, perhaps even with others’ help.
• I will stand strong.
• I will not let thoughts of chocolate overcome me.
• I will remember the horrific consequences of my giving into sweets. (I would feel moody, exhausted, edgy, even more upset than I am now, headachy, etc., etc. Giving in would only make things worse for me.)

And I promise you here, in this public forum: I will NOT give in. I will choose a more sober, wonderful, sugar-free life.

Finally, I’ll continue to write here. After all, knowing that I’m supposed to be a role model is enough to keep me in shape. 

Also, I’ll welcome any support from you here, too.